Nelly's World

What I do: I provide information that is widely researched ranging from parenting, dating, health among many. I listen to my readers opinion, I cultivate peace, love and harmony in my blog. I believe that everyone has a voice that ought to be heard. I chose to write mine . Welcome to this blog

Advice series : to someone in an abusive relationship

This episode I feel should be circulated. I went at it again and asked people for advice they would give to people in abusive relationships. this is what they had to say.

RITA says ;

Get out. Life is too short not to be as happy as possible.

RUSS says ;

Get the hell out – drop everything, risk everything, and depart. It will not get better, and if you remain or stay or come back, your presence will not help.

Don’t pause to fight back, discuss, or pause, GO!

Go to the authorities, Good luck!

KUMAR says ;

If someone is in abusive relationship, it shows that the person is having deep fear to come out of it, due to numerous reasons.

The person has to list all the fears and the outcome of leaving that relationship. Get a meeting with a guide who can guide well. Understand the truth of the fears harbored in deep.

Weed out all illogical fears by proper analysis. See the world outside without that relationship. Assess self. Make a courageous decision and COME OUT.

NANCY says ;

Get out now. Do whatever you have to do to get away from the abuser. Abusive relationships can end in death of one or both parties. The police will not show up in time. Often the abuser manipulates authorities and is released from jail. Restraining orders don’t stop them. My friend and her mother were murdered by her husband and his friend. I’ve had other friends that have had to leave their homes and move to get away from abusive spouses. One was a church deacon yet thought abusing his wife was OK. If your friend or relative is being abused help them to get away and never let the abuser know where they are.

SALLY says ;

It’s a tough question to answer in general. It really depends on the kind of abuse. I mean is the abuser physically dangerous? All abusers have the potential, but some more than others.

There’s a great book written by Lundy Bancroft called “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” The title doesn’t include the word abuse in it, so if the person doesn’t realize it’s abuse the book can clarify the situation as the person reads it. It’s a great book for someone who is in an abusive relationship.

If the person realizes it’s abuse they might need some counseling so they can realize that they deserve better. Abuse can make you feel worthless and it’s really hard to leave a situation when you feel like you aren’t fit to do anything and you wouldn’t survive on your own. People who haven’t been in the situation usually say to just leave, but it’s not that easy. Leaving can be really dangerous for a woman, this is when abusers can be the most violent and the woman’s life can be in danger. Calling a hotline (in secret) would be a great way to begin.

STEPHEN says ;

It all depends what you mean by ‘abusive’. This can range from passive abuse to life-threatening physical violence.

Passive abuse can be tolerated up to a point, and if there is the will from both partners it can be resolved through calm discussion, reflection and negotiation.

Physical abuse should not be tolerated. While it can also be resolved through professional counseling it is highly dangerous and can result in not only physical harm but also mental and emotional damage.

My advice to anyone subject to regular physically abuse is to leave the relationship immediately – unless the abuser is fully prepared to accept professional intervention. Do not suffer it. Be strengthened by fact that the abuser does not love you, he/she loves the ability to abuse.

All types of abuse have one thing in common: they can become habituated and normalised in a relationship. Therefore, it is important to recognise abuse for what it is as soon as it first occurs: it is an infringement of human rights and human dignity. It should not go unchallenged.

At the very least being abused will make you miserable. At the very worst it will damage you beyond repair both physically and mentally.


Get better help. If they can safely contact an abuse hotline, they would probably get better, more qualified help than by asking me. It’s better if they can talk to the hotline directly so the person on the phone can get the information first hand. “Get out” is easier said than done, and a hotline will be more familiar with the resources needed to help them get out.

If they can’t contact a hotline safely, then they might find an excuse to get a checkup with a doctor. I know the people at our Kaiser Permanente always ask if the patient feels safe at home, so the hospital would be equipped with the knowledge and resources to help people in abuse situations, and I imagine most other large hospitals would have something similar. They would also be better equipped to help people realize that they need to get out.


There’s the simple answer: Get out of it ASAP and go to the authorities. I’m sure that deep down the abused person wants a happy and loving relationship instead of an abusive one.

But there’s actually more to that. A master abuser would gradually imprison her with emotional manipulation and blackmail in various forms, and lower her self-esteem enough to fear getting out of the relationship. It’s going to be emotionally hard for some people to get out of an abusive relationship. But they should realize that it doesn’t have to be this way, no matter how their egos currently feel. They have the potential for a happy relationship and a happy life, no matter what the ego says. They can do that by simply getting out of the relationship and reporting the abuse. If they want better, they have to be courageous take the first step. Courageous meaning doing it anyway, despite all the fear trying to weigh in on them. That’s the thing they must do.

My question to you readers is this ;


With love, Nelly.



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9 replies

  1. My advice is sometimes it’s okay to put yourself first. Love yourself. Know that you are loved. Stay strong and fight your hardest to get out. Seek help.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dealing with domestic abuse is one of the most negative things I have ever had to deal with. I know the affects and how it can cause long term negative things for the rest of my life. All you can do is take it one day at a time and keep moving forward and never look back.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Really enjoying this series! This is a very sensitive topic and I think you tackled it very well!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is personal. I just walked away from an abusive relationship. It started verbally, then emotional and mentally and as I started getting my power back to speak, it got physical.
    To this day, he hates when ppl tell him I’ve told our story. I have the messages “don’t act like what happened wasn’t warranted” or “you got people thinking I was beating on you” BUT WHAT DO YOU CALL A PERSON WHO ASSUALTS HIS LOVER?!

    My advice GO. lose everything. Drop off the map. Get FAR THEE FUCK AWAY. If the lover is comfortable verbally abusing you especially publicly, it’s only gonna get worse. It’s a control and manipulation process. It took me a while to get the strength and leave. And sadly I still have the bruises to remind me. 😢 this just took me back to a place I tried to bury. Thank you for sharing.


  5. Coming from somebody that’s been in an abusive relationship, this is all very helpful. Sometimes getting out just isn’t easy, especially if we’re being threatened. He threatened my family, friends, pets… threatened to break expensive equipment I needed for blogging and photography. The best thing you can do for somebody in an abusive relationship is lend an ear, offer support, a place to stay, help of any kind. Otherwise, we feel abandoned or as if we’re being lectured for something we have very little power to control.

    Liked by 1 person

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