Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve. A divorce or a break up can be one of the most heart shattering painful experiences. I went at it again and asked some people what advice they would give and this is what they had to say.
GWEN says ;
Have faith that you’ll get through this, and be stronger and better for it.
Research how to get over your break up, and do the steps to normalize your life
Treasure your friends and family that will support you.
Be kind to yourself. There’s lots to learn, and castigating yourself for perceived mistakes is counter-productive to rebuilding your life.
Seek professional help if you’re overwhelmed.
MARIETTE says ;
Fill your life – take time to miss the other person, but be busy have stuff to do. New hobbies or odd interests, anything to keep you from being home alone for hours. I once signed up for a firefighting course.
LIN says ;
It doesn’t matter who initiated the break up directly or indirectly. There are people who say they just grew apart and those who are victims of abuse and all kinds of people in between. It’s OK to have your moments of tears at home alone as well as anger and throw things when home alone. Go ahead and break something! It’s cathartic. If you have by God’s grace escaped with most of your body parts and mind intact then it’s also OK to laugh and celebrate! Get on your knees and say thank you! Take those people who helped you out to dinner!
There are a myriad of reasons why breakups occur. Some are VERY VALID and some are because someone or both was selfish and petty.
To Do/Don’t Do:
Remember life goes on whether we are active participants or not. In general there are very few people on Earth who will be affected should we fade into oblivion. However we don’t know what tomorrow holds. We go on for ourselves! Because we need to. Because down the road we may cross paths with someone who is helped by our chance meeting. Sitting home bemoaning our woes for more than a day or two helps no one. As much as it is painful right now that pain fades as time goes by. If you’re a person who can handle your poisons then it’s OK to over indulge in your substance of choice if it helps. Just don’t be self-destructive. A little wine is good for us, a case is not. As time passes we are able to more objectively reflect on our role in the relationship and know how we can change our behavior in the future for the better. DO NOT beat yourself up if you are the one to blame. You screwed up. So what. Forgive yourself and move on.
Remain active. Retain your friends. Keep working. If you’re bored then take a class, become active in your church or community organizations which do good for people. Soup kitchens are terrific places to force us to put our own lives into perspective. Become a mentor, tutor, but brother or sister.
Each day holds your head up, straighten your shoulders and walk down the street because you matter. You’re going to participate in this merry-go-round we call life. After a few weeks go by you will realize you went several hours without thinking about the past and your pain. You’ll realize you actually laughed at a joke someone told at work or smiled and exchanged pleasantries with the grocery store clerk. Going out is also good for your ego and mind-set. If you’re so inclined, finding someone younger and gorgeous and taking them home is a mood lifter like no other! Then send them packing. This isn’t the time for a rebound relationship. It’s just sex.
If you were a victim of abuse you may consider counseling. Some need it, some don’t. Keep in mind that you always will have to be aware of your surroundings and your knee jerk reactions to stimulate which may trigger a moment of panic however brief. You’ll need to gear your brain to differentiate between that car back firing and a gunshot. To hold your self together for a count of 10 when you hear dishes break and a voice swearing. It’s not directed at you. Someone simply dropped a saucer.
I have a very difficult time with tolerating any sudden movement around it towards my head and face no matter how innocent it may be intended. When my husband now raises his voice I instinctively tense and for an instant am terrified. Then reality sets in again. He was doing nothing to me or even directed at me. It’s my problem. Maybe he hit his thumb with a hammer, whatever. I know he’s very mindful of my history and tries his best not to do anything which may cause me to react as I do. I can’t be mad at him for being human.
Regardless of anything you have to move forward. Learn from yesterday. Let the past guide your future not rule your future.
SUSAN says ;
I’m not really the best to ask this of, but I’ll try.
The first thing I would tell you is that you will get through it. No matter how you may feel now, this too shall pass. We’ve all been through it and we’ve all survived it and gone on to live happy lives, even love again. So, just know that, even if you don’t believe it right now.
I think first you mourn. Even if you wanted the dissolution, it’s still really painful. You miss the love you had. So, you let yourself miss it.
I don’t know when you stop indulging in that. People close to you can probably help with that.
Keep yourself busy. Nothing drags you down faster than having nothing else to focus on. Volunteer work is really good because volunteers are always appreciated, so it will soothe your bruised ego a little.
Keep busy physically as well. Work out. If you already do, work out harder. Get yourself out into nature.
Here’s what you don’t do. You don’t try to stop thinking of them. You can’t not do something, that will only make you think of them more. Instead, when you find your thoughts wandering in their direction, pull them back and redirect them. It almost doesn’t matter to what. Just get your mind to pattern of redirecting any time those thoughts come up.
DENISE says ;
My advice would be to take time to heal before starting a new relationship.
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO YOUR FRIEND WHO JUST WENT THROUGH A BREAK UP OR A DIVORCE?
With love, Nelly.