Grief is like the ocean. It comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim. Vicki Harrison.
ROSS says ;
If they asked me for advice about how best to deal with their loss, I would tell them not to judge or criticize themselves for how they feel, and to treat themselves with the same love, compassion, and understanding that they would give to someone else who’d lost a loved one. I would also ask them, “If you could choose how your loss would change you, how would you like to be when things are better?”
If they didn’t ask me for advice, I wouldn’t give them any. When someone is grieving the loss of a loved one, the people around them want to make them feel better, and many people think that giving the person advice is a good way to help them feel better. But the truth is this: the best way to help someone who is grieving is to comfort them, simply by being there when they need you to be. You don’t have to say anything. 🙂
AMANDA says ;
I am absolutely no stranger to grief and trauma. It takes the life and breath, right out of you. I am not sure who you lost that you were close to, but, my grandparents, my parents, my younger brother, and the worst was my 6 yr old son. I wish there were some magic words to fix this. You you go through many stages of greif, but some of those stages repeat themselves. It is very hurtful, nobody understands. The thing is that they cannot fathom what you are feeling. That’s ok though, you don’t want them to. I can say that my last trauma gave me PTSD. I guess this is expected to be a lifelong condition, but it does get easier to deal with. I find myself now more than ever missing my son. That is far better than being as destructive as I was. I was very destructive, now some my find that bad, but I got great peace in kicking the crap outta something. I miss my mama too. Especially when I need her guidance. I wish she was here, yet I was glad she didn’t have to watch my son die, after she had to bury her own son. I really wish ppl could understand greif, without having to go through it. My family (brothers were all I had left), not only walked away, but made some really bad stories up. One was really bad, and I’m still angry. I don’t even know why. He and his wife said one of the churches gave me $20,000. Oh my God! What a lie! The church donated $700 to my son’s funeral expense directly to the funeral home. Another church I didn’t attend, donated $300. Also a very nice family around here donated another $300. The rest was paid by me, but the majority by another family member, on my son’s dad’s side. How can I forgive someone I love so much for saying such horrible things? I can’t! My BP runs outta control from anger. I didn’t profit $1. I didn’t want to. I can’t believe how low. Money would not have fixed it anyway. I lost my son! I lost my child! nothing will fix or change that. I don’t know if it was because of the rumors, or what, but my friends dumped me. I have only learned of that story 6 months ago. It’s been 4 years. I knew that my brother had been pocketing donations, but I really didn’t care. I did, but what do ya do? I was in the middle of what I call…snapped.
I can tell you what not to do. Benzo! They prolong the grieving process. It’s best to tough it out, and let all of those feelings play out. You will eventually be fine. Of, coarse part of you. A small part of your heart will be gone forever, but you don’t want that back, you want that part of you to stay with them. You will have to build new relationships, better ones. You find comfort in strange places. Mine is dimes…i find dimes in strange places that trigger memories of my brother, mother, or my dear sweet boy. Look out for the signs…they didn’t leave you forever…just for now..God speed.
CAROL says ;
I’m sorry you are suffering loss, like myself and so many others. I have lost many family members, including my oldest daughter (age 31), my husband after 38 years of marriage, and most recently my mother, age 91. There is no easy answer, but you can find comfort and you can go on. God has given me so much help and strength to make it through all this. The Bible is full of God’s love for us even through these hard times, and my church family has also been very supportive. This may sound odd, but one thing that comforts me is a child’s picture book called There’s a Party in Heaven, by Gary and Jan Bower (available on Amazon). Beyond that, I’ve been attending a griefshare support group. You can find one near you at. It’s full of wise advice. You will never forget the ones you loved, but the pain becomes less sharp over time, and you can begin to live again, even enjoy life. God bless you.
KEVIN says ;
The grief comes from within – will hit when and where it wants. If you choose to get consumed by it, it’ll take what good in you – your life you still have left.
Yes, you do; the only thing that’s missing is them: all else is the same.
Feelings, emotions… the pain and profound emptiness? These will be there, regardless: grief will hit when it wants – cannot be rushed, but you can keep and build the strength you’ll need when it does.
Think of it as starting where you left off just before the death, or in the middle of a barren desert – fighting for your life (allowing the grief to consume you).
LAURIE says ;
Take your time, it is a process. Be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself physically, and the whole process will be easier. Listen to your soul as it knows how to heal itself. No major decisions during the first year.
What would you recommend for someone who went through loss and grief?
With love, Nelly.